Tonight I had a rare chance to do a bit of web surfing and reading other's blogs. (Although I should be listening to some music I need to learn for next week) I am having the overwhelmed feeling from looking at all these young musicians that do it all; compose, book tours, blog like crazy etc.

Here is an example; there is no way I could every organize the reviews I receive. Others put links to the writers and the whole deal. These are people who are making great music too.

I wave the white flag at this point and realize that so much of my energy goes to my family. There are the odd parent-musicians who seem to be able to do it all but it is rare.

Whether it is getting up at 7am with the kids every day or picking them up at school by 245pm I can barely keep my playing at the level I want and need. I rarely complain and I never regret this choice. Tobboganing with my boys tonight was some of the most fun I can imagine. Going out for dinner on a Friday night together after a long week and then watching the Olympic hockey game together is all stuff I just wouldn't trade for anything.

It is usually hundreds rather than thousands of people who get to enjoy my music but I am okay with that. I think the smiles on my kids faces and the effect I can have on our world as a parent are worth it. And, who knows; maybe when my kids grow up I will have a musical life that is even more widely received and heck, I might even put the links to all my reviews on my blog.

I have been involving myself in some kid related Guerilla-type activiities. I don't worry too much about confessing here on my blog as I can't really imagine doing good for my kids being much of an illegal act. Yesterday I found a note from the City of Toronto asking me to call them regarding the ice rink I built for my kids in the park beside our house. Do you think they might just want to discuss ice-repair techniques?

Last night I was up on a twelve foot shakey old wood ladder installing the paper mache (sp?) monsters that they created with my friend Cynthia. I was up there in the dark, living on the edge (or so it seemed) and wondered later whether I really do these things for the kids or for myself. We were definitely undercover, whispering our curatorial directions and watching for the art-police to come and stop our mission. We got a few funny looks and a couple "thumbs-up" from people driving by. Paola asked me if the pole would "hold my weight" as I climbed and Cynthia held the ladder and gave my advice on my hanging technique. Maybe this is the beginning of a new art instillation collective? (or just a few parents who really love parenting)

This whole project was partly inspired and funded by a very cool grant created by an OCAD student calledTiny Grants

One of my theories of parenting is that you have to really enjoy the things that you do with your kids or they will sense your lack of passion. I do get truly passionate about art, music and hockey with my kids and sometimes even have to control it.

Being able to control or even hide that passion is sometimes the secret to not scaring your kids away from things like art or sports. This is a tricky one that I continue to work on.

Had a great family vacation in Quebec this week. It is so good to see my kids spending time with their relatives in Quebec. I wasn't really excited about attending the Carnaval parade but it turned out to be much fun for all of us. The Quebec dancers, musicians etc. seem to have different and more sincere approach to a parade than we do here. All of the folks in the parade seemed to have such fun and were really "going for it."

We decided to use transit to get to the parade and it was a good idea in the end. However, the usual problems came up with my two boys on the bus; either it is the "are-we-there-yet problem" or the WWE wrestling approach to public transportation. (headlocks really don't work on a bus!)

Anyways, I was proud of my parenting skills when I reached into my bag and asked my 7yr old if he wanted to play Pac-Man on my ipod Touch. Plus, I was going to listen to the Beethoven String Quartet that I have been studying as of late. Yes, I had not only solved the problem but figured out a way to do a little work too. I plugged in the head phones, handed Leo the ipod and he was content. I put the earphones into my ears and there was the cello, the viola, the violins and WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA. Oh well. Leo is happy.

I am a bit grumpy this morning. As much as I love my kids and being a Dad I didn't sign up for missing my weekly hockey game because of a PD day/oncoming cold.

So, here I sit thinking about my pals enjoying the comradery of the dressing room and the speed, excitement and beauty of the hockey game they are about to enjoy. This all has me thinking about how and why (and if) it all works together.

Being an artist is a selfish endeavor. The trick is balancing your selfishness so that you can interact with your loved ones and the world at large. Of course my number one priority is the health and happiness of my family but that is not as simple as I make it sound. For example, if the man of the house (me) is unhappy or unhealthy then I am of no use to anyone.

In order to keep my health, sanity and happiness I try to play hockey at least twice a week. This is always tricky as it seems like I am leaving my family to "play again." The thing that makes this extra tricky is that my work often feels the same way. More often than not these days I am heading out the door with a banjo over my shoulder. (how much work could THAT be?) You might also hear me in the basement practicing the fiddle.

It seems that no matter what I do, I can never spend enough time (for me) with my kids and I never have enough hours in the week to practice and compose my music. It seems like it might be a time management issue but I think it is just a triple passion problem that gets all mixed up day in day out.

Tommorrow is Hockey Day in Canada. I hope that I can have some quality time on my instruments, quality time with my kids and quality time on my backyard rink.

tim